Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
