I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
