I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
