I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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