He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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