so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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