before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
