I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
