i barfeds in our rink
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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