I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
