I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
