Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
