Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
