How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
