How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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