Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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