the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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