I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
