I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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