he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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