I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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