my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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