that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think my vagina is haunted
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
