the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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