ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
