Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
