I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
