Soap is not a condiment
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
