pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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