Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
