Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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