everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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