i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
