She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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