my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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