I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
