I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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