Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
