yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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