i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
