Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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