I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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