I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
