if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
