Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
