would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
