You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
