marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
