a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
