I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
