And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
