Christians are straight up FREAKS
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
