I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
