In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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