I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
